If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
