I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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