Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
