you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Randomize
