i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
