More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
