Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
