I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
