Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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