you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
