Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
She said her name was "party"
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
