I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
