Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
