i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
