one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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