I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
