I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
