i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
