Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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