Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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