I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
