Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
