remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
