Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
