then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
did you just send me my own nude
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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