Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
