i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
