it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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