You can't motorboat a personality
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
