I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
