Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
