Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
