so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Randomize
