dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
organizing the empties. That sober.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
