Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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