If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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