lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
