the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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