I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I want to make a zoo with you.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
