A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
