Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
