She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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