Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
