You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
