The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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