I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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