i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
