I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
did you just send me my own nude
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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