CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
