i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
