I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
