We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
